entry 4: future

dear diary,

you know when you're a kid and you get asked "what do you want to be when you grow up?" and you say stuff like "firefighter" or "police" or "teacher" or "actress" or whatever? because when you're that age, it doesn't really matter what you answer. half the time, the person asking doesn't even care, he just wants to hear your cute voice. you aren't tied to a lifetime contract then, your answer could change every time you are asked. because that's what kids do. go through phases.

well, i'm not a kid anymore. and it's about time i excepted that.

when it comes to the topic of my future, i always tend to put that on the back burner; i put it off to someday. i'll worry about it later, you know? but guess what? it is later.

what do i want to be when i grow up? this time, i can't give some b.s. answer. this time it's for real because i'm almost already grown. i just realized today that i have 2 years left of high school and then i'm off to college and then it's life.

oh. my. god.

life comes at you fast. (nationwide is on your side! haha.) so, while i'm not certain yet, here are my considerations: english--since i love writing and words and the way they can make a difference, music--since i love making beautiful somethings out of nothing, or art--since i love that final 'voila!' moment when you've completed your masterpiece. but here's the catch...the only way to make it big in these fields is to be the best of the best. and that is very hard to be.

my claim to fame is my fanfic finding may on 50+ story alerts. that's really that so impressive. in journalism, screen writing, or novel writing, how can i enter the pool of all these amazing authors and expect to come out on top? then there's music. sure, my piano is 'good' but so is everyone else. 'good' doesn't cut it. 'superfreakingawesome' does. as for oboe...well...it's less competition and higher chances, but still, it's a long shot (just, you know, slightly shorter than the other shots.) and art, ho ho, i might as well kiss that goodbye right now. i'm not picasso material, i'll tell you that right now.

but those are what i love. do i follow my passion? or do i choose a job i can excel in? even if i hate it?

yeah, yeah, all the movies and inspirational quotes say follow your heart. but what if...i'm still in a phase right now? what if my heart is wrong?

love,
yasmine