entry 5: knight

dear diary,

chivalry. what a lovely concept, don't you think?

and i know in a modern world of feminists fighting for equality, it seems like this has disappeared. but has it? and should it?

yes, i strongly believe that women should have the right to vote and enlist in the army and apply for jobs just like the men. but i also believe the whole "ladies first" thinking is the greatest idea. admit it. who doesn't like having the door held for them? and i also firmly believe that the guy should ask the girl out and the guy should make the first move. the same goes for giving her his jacket when she's cold, taking her hand to help her up (even if she can get up herself), and telling her she's beautiful because no, that's not implied.

it's not outdated thinking. it's chivalry.

so guys, don't think that just because she isn't asking you on a date, it means she doesn't like you. it means she's waiting for you to ask :)

love,
yasmine

entry 4: future

dear diary,

you know when you're a kid and you get asked "what do you want to be when you grow up?" and you say stuff like "firefighter" or "police" or "teacher" or "actress" or whatever? because when you're that age, it doesn't really matter what you answer. half the time, the person asking doesn't even care, he just wants to hear your cute voice. you aren't tied to a lifetime contract then, your answer could change every time you are asked. because that's what kids do. go through phases.

well, i'm not a kid anymore. and it's about time i excepted that.

when it comes to the topic of my future, i always tend to put that on the back burner; i put it off to someday. i'll worry about it later, you know? but guess what? it is later.

what do i want to be when i grow up? this time, i can't give some b.s. answer. this time it's for real because i'm almost already grown. i just realized today that i have 2 years left of high school and then i'm off to college and then it's life.

oh. my. god.

life comes at you fast. (nationwide is on your side! haha.) so, while i'm not certain yet, here are my considerations: english--since i love writing and words and the way they can make a difference, music--since i love making beautiful somethings out of nothing, or art--since i love that final 'voila!' moment when you've completed your masterpiece. but here's the catch...the only way to make it big in these fields is to be the best of the best. and that is very hard to be.

my claim to fame is my fanfic finding may on 50+ story alerts. that's really that so impressive. in journalism, screen writing, or novel writing, how can i enter the pool of all these amazing authors and expect to come out on top? then there's music. sure, my piano is 'good' but so is everyone else. 'good' doesn't cut it. 'superfreakingawesome' does. as for oboe...well...it's less competition and higher chances, but still, it's a long shot (just, you know, slightly shorter than the other shots.) and art, ho ho, i might as well kiss that goodbye right now. i'm not picasso material, i'll tell you that right now.

but those are what i love. do i follow my passion? or do i choose a job i can excel in? even if i hate it?

yeah, yeah, all the movies and inspirational quotes say follow your heart. but what if...i'm still in a phase right now? what if my heart is wrong?

love,
yasmine

entry 3: sleep

dear diary,

just ten minutes. i'll nap for just ten minutes.

forty-five minutes later...

(the sad part is that this is almost a daily occurrence. you'd think i'd learn by now.)

love,
yasmine

entry 2: dream

dear diary,

is it okay if i start in the middle of the story? because, i mean, as long as i know the beginning, then it's all good, right? besides, it would take forever to fill you in completely--i have 16 years to tell.

anyways, i had a dream last night. it was one of those dreams where you are so disappointed it was only a dream. he was in it. he's always in it. the one part that i remember clearly is as follows:

we're sitting in class or something. a woman walks by holding a baby in a car seat. the baby and dazzling blue eyes.

me: "aw! the baby has blue eyes! did i mention i want a baby with blue eyes?" (and this is funny because i have mentioned this. numerous times.)

him: "well, i'll make sure to give my genes to you then." (he also said something scientific about dominant and recessive genes, but since i don't know what it is, i can't dream it. it just came out in incoherent mumbles. and something about goggles.)

me: *giving him a questioning look* "because i'll have your child...?"

him: *alarmed* "oh! uh...no, that's not what i meant..."

me: *turning away and patting his arm* "i'm kidding."
but, see, i wasn't.

now, while this dream was sweet and cute, it was also kind of alarming. i've only known him for 6 months and i'm already dreaming of having his baby? maybe i just want him to dream about me having his baby. yeah. maybe that's it.

the point is, not a moment passes when he's not on my mind. that's what scares me.

love,
yasmine

p.s. i'm writing down the full story of my friends and my complicated love mess here.

entry 1: intro

dear diary,

it's funny how we stumble across things.

i was on youtube one day and saw spricket24's spotlight video. i clicked. i watched. i liked. i subscribed. i followed her on twitter. and then one day, she tweeted about pleasefindthis. so i clicked. i read. i liked. i followed.

and i feel kind of hypocritical reading things like that. it's all about being broken and lost when i am whole and found. (at least i think i am.) but the truth is, i love reading deep stuff like that. i love reading things that make me think, that make me feel, that make me connected to all the other readers because at one point or another, we were reading the same words just on different screens. i like that. i like that a lot.

i'm not trying to copy him (as if i was that talented) but i'm trying to take his advice. this is my life. i'm right in the middle of all the action. and someday, when i'm old and wrinkly and retired, i would want to look back and remember all of this.

this is too good to not record. even if i'm the only one reading it.

love,
yasmine