packing

dear diary,

i'm moving blogs. why? because i can :P

new blog

love,
yasmine

entry 15: n_n

dear diary,

he remembered.

love,
yasmine

entry 14: words

dear diary,

officially posted black hole last night. i don't know, but i still get that thrill when i post a new story. it's exciting. i had to rewrite that first prologue two times to get it right. i still don't think it's all that good. oh well.

dramaticstarlet is like my fanfiction idol. she's such a good author, very popular, and witty even when she doesn't try to be. (and i feel kind of like a creep writing about her :P) i want to be as successful as her. but hey, 229 reviews for a story is a good start, right?

of course, writing that chapter took a lot longer than usual because he keeps talking to me. i don't know what got into him. we NEVER talk but now he breaks any small pause in fear that i've left. he's clingy. but that's cute?

this is confusing man. i think i won't go online today just to see what he'll say tomorrow. i'm evil. i know.

love,
yasmine

entry 13: wishes

dear diary,

i made all-state! but see, here's my theory. you don't necessarily have to be the best at something, you just have to choose a something where there aren't a lot of people better than you. i don't think i'm any better than those who didn't make it. i just think there are less people better than me. see, it's all in the comparison.

and perhaps catching 11:11 on saturday had something to do with it?;)

our bathroom is still getting done. i haven't showered or brushed my teeth and i feel kind of disgusting. oh well. it's spring break. who tries?

i had an interesting dream though. there was a self-conscious stripper (i don't know), a new school with an elevator, a pool party, a weird confrontation, he found out i liked him, i reminded myself to tell peyton, then somehow another guy was exclaiming his love for me only i wasn't sure if it was for real or if i magically ended up in a play. all i know is i was kind of confused/sad to know it was only a dream.

yeah, maybe this crush thing has gone on too long. what of it?

love,
yasmine

entry 12: triangle

dear diary,

the whole arm around shoulder thing. the whole head on shoulder thing. the whole sitting by me thing. maybe it means something. or maybe i just think too much.

in the time since the last entry, some very crucial events happened.

1) i found out that other guy likes me. you know, that other guy who i've known since forever and who i laugh and am comfortable with because he's everyone's best friend. yeah, that one. now all i can think is what if i led him on?

2) the incident. in which boy number one and boy number two both walked me to class and it was the definition of awkward. but worse yet, i accidentally sent a text to the wrong person and now boy 2 knows i like boy 1 and that i know he likes me. confused? me too.

3) my friends like boy 2 better :(

oh, but i finished finding may! i got 220 reviews as of now and i'm really satisfied. sometimes, i just want to hide behind blueSKIES247.

love,
yasmine

entry 10: deep

dear diary,

1) he sat next to me on the bus.

2) he has an odd fascination of punching/poking people at all times. but mostly me (?)

3) we are able to have a conversation through reading lips, across 5 rows of seats.

4) he waited.

5) he sat next to me on the bus again. (but this time, he actually moved seats to sit by me.)

6) he's my male prostitute :)

7) is putting a his jacket over my head a sign of affection?

8) we're pretty cute.

9) i tried to get over him

10) "just so you know" by jesse mccartney came on. and i realized i was in way too deep now. either keep swimming or i'll drown.

love,
yasmine

p.s.- when we finally fall apart, i'll think of him whenever i look at that darn key on a keyboard.

entry 9: turns

dear diary,

why is it that we both desperately want to talk to each other but can't ever find anything to say?

it drives me bonkers.

but i've messaged him far too much. it's his turn to like me more.

love,
yasmine

p.s.- regionals tomorrow!

entry 8: high

dear diary,

i don't believe in doing something solely because you're not supposed to do it.

but others do. people drink and smoke and cut, not just for the affect, but for the thrill of danger. and that doesn't make sense to me.

there are people out there whose lives suck. and even though i'm against it, i guess there is nothing wrong if they turn to alcohol or drugs to give them that little ounce of joy because maybe that little piece is the only thing that holds them together. sure, it might kill them. but without it, they might die too. these are people with a reason.

if one day i ever hit rock bottom, perhaps my views will change. but see, my life doesn't suck. my life is pretty much awesome. i have friends and i have family. they're not perfect, but who is these days? although there are many more that i want, i could live with what i have right now. and that's why i'll never join in on the crack parties. i'm so happy and high on life naturally, i don't need to get any higher. i'm already in the skies. (not because i'm a sissy.)

i know people with fake smiles. i'm quite the opposite. i'm only have fake frowns. :)

love,
yasmine

entry 7: searching

dear diary,

you know how they say you'll always find what you're looking for? how if you think you can, you can; and if you think you can't, you're right?

same thing applies. if you think he's avoiding you, you'll notice all the times when he is absent, when he isn't there. but if you think he loves you back, you'll notice all the times when he is here, and even better, you'll see all the small moves he makes that could pass off as natural gestures, but in a positive light, you could bend and twist it just enough to make it seem like he was looking for you.

and i guess that's enough for me.

love,
yasmine

entry 6: mascara

dear diary,

sometimes, just for giggles, i step in the shower without taking my makeup off, and i let the water run down my face, staining my cheeks in streams of black. and when i get out, wipe the fog from the mirror, and gaze at my reflection, i look like i've been crying for hours. heart-wretchedly bawling. i look like a mess.

so i grab a tissue and start to clean my face and tell myself: "i don't ever want to look like that."

love,
yasmine