entry 10: deep

dear diary,

1) he sat next to me on the bus.

2) he has an odd fascination of punching/poking people at all times. but mostly me (?)

3) we are able to have a conversation through reading lips, across 5 rows of seats.

4) he waited.

5) he sat next to me on the bus again. (but this time, he actually moved seats to sit by me.)

6) he's my male prostitute :)

7) is putting a his jacket over my head a sign of affection?

8) we're pretty cute.

9) i tried to get over him

10) "just so you know" by jesse mccartney came on. and i realized i was in way too deep now. either keep swimming or i'll drown.

love,
yasmine

p.s.- when we finally fall apart, i'll think of him whenever i look at that darn key on a keyboard.

entry 9: turns

dear diary,

why is it that we both desperately want to talk to each other but can't ever find anything to say?

it drives me bonkers.

but i've messaged him far too much. it's his turn to like me more.

love,
yasmine

p.s.- regionals tomorrow!

entry 8: high

dear diary,

i don't believe in doing something solely because you're not supposed to do it.

but others do. people drink and smoke and cut, not just for the affect, but for the thrill of danger. and that doesn't make sense to me.

there are people out there whose lives suck. and even though i'm against it, i guess there is nothing wrong if they turn to alcohol or drugs to give them that little ounce of joy because maybe that little piece is the only thing that holds them together. sure, it might kill them. but without it, they might die too. these are people with a reason.

if one day i ever hit rock bottom, perhaps my views will change. but see, my life doesn't suck. my life is pretty much awesome. i have friends and i have family. they're not perfect, but who is these days? although there are many more that i want, i could live with what i have right now. and that's why i'll never join in on the crack parties. i'm so happy and high on life naturally, i don't need to get any higher. i'm already in the skies. (not because i'm a sissy.)

i know people with fake smiles. i'm quite the opposite. i'm only have fake frowns. :)

love,
yasmine

entry 7: searching

dear diary,

you know how they say you'll always find what you're looking for? how if you think you can, you can; and if you think you can't, you're right?

same thing applies. if you think he's avoiding you, you'll notice all the times when he is absent, when he isn't there. but if you think he loves you back, you'll notice all the times when he is here, and even better, you'll see all the small moves he makes that could pass off as natural gestures, but in a positive light, you could bend and twist it just enough to make it seem like he was looking for you.

and i guess that's enough for me.

love,
yasmine

entry 6: mascara

dear diary,

sometimes, just for giggles, i step in the shower without taking my makeup off, and i let the water run down my face, staining my cheeks in streams of black. and when i get out, wipe the fog from the mirror, and gaze at my reflection, i look like i've been crying for hours. heart-wretchedly bawling. i look like a mess.

so i grab a tissue and start to clean my face and tell myself: "i don't ever want to look like that."

love,
yasmine